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August 17, 2006

Latex Dreams

A couple of nights ago I had an odd dream that I was fooling around with a woman wrapped from head to toe in a purple latex bodysuit. That's not so odd, you say? Sounds more like a fetish dream so far?

What made the dream so damn odd was the fact that the latex suit she was wearing was inflated to the point that it made her look like a certain purple dinosaur, if said dinosaur were covered in shiny purple latex. Worse, I was majorly turned on by this in the dream.

I'm crazy, aren't I?

August 30, 2006

Jay-Z Hit My Car!

I had this doozy of a dream a few nights ago. In the dream, I dream that Jay-Z (yeah that Jay-Z) hits my car. After I wake up I go outside to see if my car's okay. As I'm out there, a car comes screaming around the corner and slams right into the rear of my Intrepid! The driver gets out, dusts himself off, and damn if it isn't Jay-Z. Woot! I'm a psychic. Some stuff I can't remember happens and we both end up going to a house party at a friend's house a couple blocks over.

Jay-Z plays some euchre for cash while I hang out in the living room, drinking. There's a ton of girls there and right in the middle of the throng is Ryan Seacrest, macking. After a while I get up and leave because I'm obviously not going to get any attention with him in the room.

It's a little fuzzy here, but in the process of walking to the next room, I inadvertently get right in the way of Flavor Flav and Griff as they're dancing to a P.E. video playing on the television. Flavor Flav is furious and gets all up in my face, screaming. It's right about at this point that the dream switches on me.

Next thing I know, I'm at some kind of meeting of preachers as it's letting out. I try to get away as quickly as possible because, as we all know, preachers are scary. One of them follows me back to the house party and he grabs me. As we struggle throughout the kitchen, he starts raking my back with both hands as if to scratch the devil right out of me. Right about here the dream fades out (or at least my memory of it does).

Weird, eh?

December 10, 2006

That Dream Again

I had yet another dream in which I had a detachable penis. For some reason it was all wrapped up like a mummy cock. And once again I woke up in the middle of the dream because I couldn't get it reattached. How's that for a nightmare?

I'd like to say it's the weirdest of my dreams but it's not even close. Why can't I have normal dreams like everyone else?

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